Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Curmudgeonly Lectionary Reflections - Feeding the 5000

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Speaking as a fairly mainstream liberal white Protestant, I am so sick of this story and its typical liberal white Protestant allegorical interpretation. In the usual reading, we (the church) are the disciples, and Jesus tells us to feed the hungry, and we think we can’t, so Jesus says try anyway, so we try and lo and behold, a miracle! Blah, blah, blah. Because, you know, it’s all about us

Another problem I have with the usual reading is that we have to pretend to be surprised, and it becomes a story about how much we believe. Really, you know about Jesus, don’t you? He heals people, walks on water, and raises the dead. Are we supposed to be wowed that he can produce pita bread out of thin air?

So I want to put on my curmudgeonly preacher persona and wave my cane and yell at the kids singing Kum-Ba-Yah to get off my lawn. I really like Mark’s version more than John’s so I’ll start there.

1. In Mark’s version, Jesus invites the disciples to come away to a deserted place all by themselves. Mark says this twice, in 6:31 and in 6:32. Mark has a fairly conservative economy of words, so when he says something twice, he means it. Dripping with sarcasm, his disciples say, “hey, teacher. Since we’re here at this deserted place of yours, how about sending them away to get something to eat?” Nice relaxing spot you picked, Jesus! I love that Mark lets us see the disciples get sarcastic with Jesus.

2. Now, most preachers will say that this crowd is made up of the poor and downtrodden, and they don’t have any money, and the miracle is about feeding the hungry. Hogwash! These people have money. The disciples say plainly, “send them away so that they can buy themselves something to eat.” The text does not tell us they were poor, sad, chronically hungry, or anything of the sort. It says they were like sheep without a shepherd. I suppose because we think of sheep as fleecy white innocent creatures, we automatically go into churchy mode and think that the sheep need someone to take care of them and feed them.

But the “sheep without a shepherd” comment is a reference to 1 Kings 22:17, in which Israel’s army without its king is compared to “sheep without a shepherd.” This crowd is not a bunch of hungry people looking for food. This is the army of Israel looking for a king! They want leadership, not bread. Also, the feeding of the masses recalls Elisha’s feeding of his own disciples in 2 Kings 4:42. These aren’t a bunch of poor downtrodden people. They are a prophetic army.

3. I’m glad I wasn’t there. Had I been there, I would not be thinking charitable thoughts. Here come all these people, interrupting my intimate spiritual time with Jesus. I mean, they just ran around a lake in order to go hear this guy talk. Is there not a sensible person among these 5000 who thought, “hey, maybe I should pack a lunch?” This is Galilee, circa 30 AD. There are no drive-thru windows, people! Plan ahead! It’s part of being a grown-up!

4. In John’s version (6:5-7), the disciples’ testy exchange with Jesus’ is replaced with this laid-back Socratic dialogue. “Where are we going to buy bread for all these people?” Because in John, the disciples aren’t idiots and jerks (which is why I could never have cut it with John’s crew).

5. John gives us a little kid who has 5 barley loaves and 2 fish. In pulpits all over the country on Sunday, this little boy will be the hero of the story. I’m sorry, but does nobody else think that 5 barley loaves and 2 fish is a LOT of food for a kid to eat? Maybe if the kid is 6’2” and weighs 240 pounds, this would be a reasonable dinner. Right, right, someone is going to pull out some obscure historical reference that they were small loaves. Whatever. Just consider this: what if it isn’t his food? Is he the only one out of 5000 adults who packed a lunch? Or is he supposed to be delivering this food to someone else? I like to imagine that there’s one guy in the crowd saying, “hey! that’s the kid who I hired to go get my takeout!” Or maybe the kid drives up in a beat-up Honda hatchback. He gets out and approaches the crowd of 5000. He looks at the order slip in his hand and asks, “hey… somebody order a pizza?”

6. Preachers are going to be falling all over themselves to allegorize this story and explain what the miracle means and will miss possibly the most obvious part of the story: Jesus eats with 5000 people. He shares food with an army. Eating together is a sign of friendship, and sharing the same piece of food is way of declaring eternal loyalty, as when Judas dips his bread into Jesus’ dish in John 13:26. If you break your Twinkie in half and give me part of it, you have just declared that you and I are like family, and we have a bond that cannot be broken. The one who eats with hookers and seditionists and thugs just made himself friends with 5000 people at once, because they all shared the same food.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think this is THE point of the story. I don’t think there is only one right reading, and I don’t think it is simply a eucharistic allegory. But the militaristic language is there, the reference to Elisha’s disciples is there, and John ends the story with the people saying, “this is indeed the prophet who is to come into the world.” The very next line is, “When Jesus realized that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, he withdrew again to the mountain by himself.” The prophet shows up, recruits an army, and leaves.

Edit: Ooh! Ooh! I’ve got another one. In Mark they sit on the grass in groups of fifties and hundreds. Go ahead, look up “fifties and hundreds” in your concordance. You’ll find it’s a reference to leadership and military organization in Exodus, Deuteronomy, and Kings.

Posted by Dave on 07/22 at 07:10 AM
MiscellaneousRantsReligionBibleExegesisPreaching & Worship • (4) CommentsPermalink

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Hymn Lyrics

The art of fitting lyrics to a melody is tough
You have to have a certain sense of timing
If you must stre, eh, etch your word for half a measure more
please find a better phrase to fit your rhyming.

If you want a congregation’s tongues to follow with your tune
And sing and sway and give your song their best
Consider where emPHAsis on sylLABles will fit best
And avoid using… ... rests.

Don’t string clichés together and then call that a song;
Let metaphors connote a kind of grace.
So if you’re writing lyrics and you must rhyme “eyes” with “skies,”
I hope you stab your pencil in your face.

Posted by Dave on 07/21 at 08:00 AM
FunnyLanguage and RhetoricReligionChurchPreaching & Worship • (1) CommentsPermalink

Monday, July 20, 2009

Monday Morning (Belated) Bible Haiku: Genesis 21

There’s no “ours” and “theirs.”
Children are not property;
we belong to them.

Posted by Dave on 07/20 at 01:54 PM
ReligionMonday Morning Bible Haiku • (0) CommentsPermalink

Friday, July 17, 2009

Sexist Praise Songs

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There’s a song titled “More Precious Than Silver,” which goes:

Lord you are more precious than silver
Lord you are more costly than gold
Lord you are more beautiful than diamonds
And nothing I desire compares with you.

Which is all fine and good, and it certainly has a pretty tune. But it struck me today as I was reading Proverbs that it’s an appropriated metaphor. The original text is a praise of Lady Wisdom:

Happy are those who find wisdom, and those who get understanding
for her income is better than silver, and her revenue better than gold
She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her. (Proverbs 3:13-15)

Most congregations, of course, are far more comfortable addressing our hymns and love songs to THE LORD, who we will refer to in the masculine gender. I wonder, how many congregations would be comfortable singing a love song to Lady Wisdom? Look, it’s more Biblical, and it even fits the meter just fine. So why do the lyrics substitute THE LORD for Lady Wisdom?

Wisdom is more precious than silver
Knowledge is more costly than gold
Wisdom is more beautiful than diamonds,
And nothing I desire compares with her.

Egad!

Posted by Dave on 07/17 at 12:24 PM
ReligionBibleChurchTheologySocietyRace, Gender, and Class • (1) CommentsPermalink

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Creative Covers: MFATGG does Rainbow Connection

I posted one by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes last week, and in keeping with the rainbow theme, here’s Rainbow Connection:

Posted by Dave on 07/15 at 08:33 PM
Books, Comix, Movies, and MusicFunny • (0) CommentsPermalink

Monday, July 13, 2009

Monday Morning Bible Haiku: Genesis 20

Look, we’ve been through this.
Sarah is not your sister.
What’s your problem, man?

Posted by Dave on 07/13 at 08:00 AM
ReligionMonday Morning Bible HaikuBible • (0) CommentsPermalink

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Bono’s Open Letter to Italy and the G8

Great quotable bits from Bono’s letter:

This agitation on the subject of extreme poverty comes mainly from mothers, school teachers, students, churchgoers. When it comes from spoiled rotten rich rock stars it gets more attention, but it’s much harder to take — particularly when those rock stars are Irish. We know that’s an absurdity. But so is a child dying of a tiny mosquito bite in the 21st century.

Love thy neighbour is not advice — it’s a command.

Posted by Dave on 07/09 at 09:23 AM
NewsReligionTheologySocietyPolitics • (0) CommentsPermalink

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Creative Covers: MFATGG does Somewhere Over the Rainbow

This is by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes. I think it was used in an Intel commercial at some point.

Posted by Dave on 07/08 at 08:31 AM
Books, Comix, Movies, and MusicFunny • (0) CommentsPermalink

Monday, July 06, 2009

Monday Morning Bible Haiku: Genesis 19

hideous sculptures:
stones, bones, smoldering bodies
silver in moonlight

Posted by Dave on 07/06 at 08:00 AM
ReligionBibleMonday Morning Bible Haiku • (0) CommentsPermalink

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Creative Covers: Gob does Mr. Sandman

I first heard this playing Stubbs the Zombie. Excellent stuff.

Posted by Dave on 07/01 at 08:20 AM
Books, Comix, Movies, and MusicFunny • (2) CommentsPermalink

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